Getting off the bench

My whole life I have felt like I am in the shadows.

I am the one on the side bench, the one never 'dancing' or attracting too much attention.
When you are the one sitting back you are the one taking a lot in that others miss. My journey has at times been lonely and I have struggled. I learnt to depend on me, not expect much from others and just push through life the best I know how. I have always been the one people can rely on but I find it hard to ask that of others. If I don't know how to do it I don't bother doing it. If it's too hard I don't ask anyone to help me. If I do ask I don't feel it helps me the way I needed it to so just get on with it again.

Being the side lines kind of girl you learn to 'take what you can get'. I have learnt don't make too much fuss of things, move on and get over it! Anxiety and stress are big parts of my life that are slowly being dealt with over time by my God who is bigger than me and both of those things.

Depending on who I am around or the situation I am in, having a quieter personality I don't tend to say much. I have been perceived as 'snobby' because I don't join in everything or talk everyones ear off.

 I actually enjoy talking it's just never something I do for the sake of it. Being the observer I have seen a lot of that done by others and wonder if some things are actually said in the head before it comes out! 

God has shown me I was relying on myself and it had to stop. God wanted me to rely on HIM more than anything or anyone. He wanted to show me His love and support was all I really longed for and it was all I needed. I still rely on myself more than I should, but I know my God has my back and is carrying me during any tough times that come my way. He's walking along side me with every step I take and His love will get me through. He will never disappoint me or let me down.

A couple of years ago I felt God wanted me to start stepping off the bench and share things I have learnt along the way. He showed me I have got a lot of experience in things that people struggle with and He wants me to help. I don't have all the answers but I have a been through a tough journey so far and have come out better and stronger. And I have a God who knows what I don't.

My personality for a long time has been meek and mild but as I am growing and maturing in Christ I see the LIONESS emerging. The strong, bold, forthright person is emerging from somewhere within the depths of me. I am slowly talking more in some situations, I am putting my hand up to get involved in things I would have shied away from before. I know in my heart God has a big plan for my life, if I had never learnt to let God take the reigns His plan for bigger and better things for me would never come to pass because it involves stepping out, stepping up and letting go.

Changing who I have been has not been easy. Stepping out after being this way has been quite hard for me. I have had doors 'close' on me I thought would be opened wide and I have not had the support from people I needed but God has been encouraging me to keep pressing into Him and He has shown me it's all in His timing and to just take it one day at a time.

I know I am not the only person in this world who has struggled with all or some of these things. I am here to let you in on my deep secrets so you don't have to feel alone in this journey. God has made you for so much more than who you are right now. Who you were in the past, who you are right now are no indication of who God want's you to be in the future. This is why my title is Made For More
God is helping me get through it all and He wants to help and encourage you too.

“Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” Isaiah 41:10