Relax and Release!!

Today is the start of something BIG! Big for me and big for some of you out there.

Growing up I never considered myself to be a neat freak but I do remember every weekend as a teenager I would hardly go out and would spend a lot of time in my bedroom with a good book. 

If I wasn't reading, I was re-arranging and cleaning my room. This would be almost all of the time. Once I    moved out into my own home I loved keeping things nice and tidy. I had to live with a messy husband who wasn't like me and my tidy ways but I learnt to love him any way. Then three kids came along and my house became harder to keep tidy the way I wanted it. It became exhausting trying to keep up with everything. My kids are very close in age and I had to do almost everything on my own. It wares you down after a while and you sometimes just do what's important for the moment and get to the rest later.

As my kids got older it became easier to keep up with things. Everything seemed to have a place and once the kids went to school I loved being able to clean and have it stay that way for a few hours until they came home again.

After a while cleaning became a problem for me. The problem was cleaning became like a drug to me. I had to get my fix all the time. I placed my need for God onto a need to clean!

I would hardly sit and relax. Every bit of dust, crumbs or dirt became my enemy. Washing had to be always done, the vaccum or broom had to always be used. If there was anything out that needed to be put away it annoyed me until it was done. If anyone didn't tidy up they would get yelled at and resentment started to grow inside me. I hated that I was the one to always clean after them. Why was it so hard for them to just do it. They could see how important it was to me to keep it all tidy! By five in the afternoon the house had to look like no one had been playing. The kids had to have everything put away.

I became the yelling mum/wife. The mum/wife that shows less love and grace to her family than she should. The kind of mum/wife no one wants to be around.

I am still like this to a point especially when we are about to have company. I have noticed that it seems to be a big thing for most women when it comes to having people over. We like to show that we have things under control. I have always said to my husband that the state of your house is a reflection of who you are as a wife. A clean house shows you are good at running your home. The problem the Holy Spirit revealed to me was it was not MY home. It's OUR home. Everyone who lives in it belongs to it. More often than not we get a mixture of cleaners and non cleaners. It bothers some that its a mess but not others. God does that deliberately you know. He sends people into our lives who are opposite to us for a reason. 

I ended up married to my opposite so I could be shown how to relax and see that life continues on even when things are not done. He is so much more blaze than I am and at times it drives me crazy. I am thankful every day that he is who he is though because if he was a control freak like I can be at times we would be an awful pair to live with. 

The Holy Spirit also revealed to me I needed to let go of 'perfection'. It was okay for me to like a clean home but not at the expense of everyone around me. I had started yelling at my kids if they didn't clean the way I wanted it done. The words 'do it perfectly' 'thats not perfect enough' were common things out of my mouth. What kind of mum does that? I think its the kind of mum who has her own issues to deal with and has to lay them at God's feet not on the backs of her children.

My plan for this year was to learn to entertain with a house that wasn't so perfect. I don't have a lot of visitors but I know the ones that do come love me for who I am and not for my home. I show grace to my friends who are not so 'perfect' and I would love to know they do it for me.

In the end we are not in a perfect world we don't need to show clean we need to show love.